How to get back into the dating scene after divorce
Getting back into dating after a divorce is not always the easy process that you might expect. Your memories of the dating scene and its etiquette are most likely quite out of date by now. While you may be missing the companionship and looking for someone new to share your life, don't jump in with all guns blazing. You're probably going to need to do a bit of fine tuning on your instincts and behaviours if you're going to have any success.
Here's a few simple tips for success in the dating game after your divorce:
- Relax and just be yourself. Remember that dating is all about getting to know the other person and confirming whether they are interested in you too. They are going to be just as nervous as you are, so you'll both benefit if you can encourage a relaxed atmosphere on the date. Pretty much everything else will flow from there.
- Leave your divorce and past problems back home. There is very little as unattractive as a reeling out of the traumas and problems of the past. When the subject does come up, just keep it brief and get back to focusing on the good time you're having now with your current date. You can be honest and open with your date without making them feel like they are being compared to your ex all the time.
- Show some interest in your date and get to know them. Ask questions, but even more importantly listen to the answers and let the conversation flow from there. Your date will be flattered to realise that you are actually interested in what they have to say, and it will also help you both decide whether there is going to be further dates.
- Remember you are not in therapy. You may have learned all sorts of interesting things about yourself and relationship dynamics in sessions if you have gone and had therapy, but your date will be overwhelmed by it all. Keep it simple and keep the therapy talk between you and your therapist.
Keep it light - don't assume that your first date will be "the one" - and be prepared to just enjoy the date as an evening out. Have some fun, don't take it too seriously and be prepared to date a few people while you work out what you want and who you are now. If nothing else, keeping it light will mean that you enjoy the memory of the date even if it doesn't work out.